B is for Body Image
Wow…another huge topic I have decided to tackle! What the what??
Here's the deal…my blog, and ultimately my take on this A to Z Challenge, is to write about things/issues/events I am dealing with and how I "Got This" or am "Getting This". So today I am blogging about the big issue of body image. (Love how I threw in that alliteration?…no charge)
I have been struggling with body image this last year. My fiancé's mom passed away last year and there was family drama. This was the event that lead to my decision to eat unhealthy and not really care. You see, I am an emotional eater. You give me an emotion and I will eat. Stress is a big red flag in the war of eating. Boy did we have stress that year. By the time I realized what I was doing, the damage had been done.
The funny thing about gaining weight is it is not immediate. You may have corrected that stuffing the face issue you had and it seems, at the time, you haven't gained weight. Your head fills with invalid images and mixed messages of how you can eat anything and not gain weight. You see yourself as you always have been. The change happens slowly. Then BAM! That can of biscuits has busted wide open and you can't fit any of your clothes anymore!
So this is me now. In my head, I am still that girl that weighed less than I do now. Until I look in the mirror. OH THE HORRORS! Not what I was expecting! So the self image plummets and the negative self talk starts. Heaped on top of that is all the images on the covers of magazines, in movies and TV. I struggle daily with this, as does thousands of others. So what do we do?
I am not an expert, doctor, psychologist. I am a person going through an issue and trying to figure out what helps me. LT is a big help. He showed me in every way that looks do not matter to him. We have been together for over 5 years. November 2014, in the zenith of self loathing body image, he proposes. WOW! A huge feeling of acceptance flowed over me. Now if I could accept myself.
So, how am I "getting this" you ask? Good question! I am trying to find the positives about myself inside and out. I am not going to focus on how I look (unless I am rocking an awesome outfit or my hair is having a magical day). My goal is for every time I have a negative self thought/talk about myself, I have to counter with a positive. Harder than it sounds my friend. I believe this will be an ongoing event. I am hopeful I will love myself whether I have as close to the "ideal" body or not. I believe once I love myself in my form, other things will begin to happen. Right now, I am not totally disgusted with myself, but I am not ready to have a love fest either. Baby steps…Hey maybe that should have been my "B" for the challenge!
I promise tomorrow's post will be more light-hearted and not so serious!