Wednesday, April 1, 2015

A is for Authenticity

Jumping right out the of the challenge gate with a huge topic…authenticity.

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As humans trying to find our spot in the world and being bombarded by body images, bullying, high expectations, perfection and the list goes on. Even as a young child in my family, we were always compared to the the neighbors' children. Having that feeling of inferiority messes with a person's head, let me tell you. You find yourself trying to conform to others expectations. You become a chameleon with yourself and your personality. You refuse to be vulnerable because you have been hurt too much.

Vulnerability is the key to being authentic. I am learning to take risks and be who I truly am. I am not letting others dictate my actions or letting them guilt me into being who they want me to be.

I have been accused and even guilted into believing I am selfish. Yes, to an extent I am selfish. I own it. But not to the extent it is being conveyed. I know others will say what they want to you to get you to do what THEY want. The biggest thing I have learned is that self care does NOT equal selfish.

Another thing…show your emotions. It is ok to be happy or sad or mad. It is ok to tell someone why you are upset or angry or how they made you feel. Bottling that crap up does no one any good especially yourself. This is really were being vulnerable and authentic comes into play. You have to let your guard down and put yourself out there and express your self which is being authentic!

I hated showing any emotions other than happiness. I refused to cry in front of anyone. I had to be perfect. My closet was were I went to "express" myself. I would scream, cry, even tell someone off in my closet by myself. Now, I am doing better and taking baby steps. I have really put myself out there with LT. When we started dating 5 YEARS AGO, I didn't want to rock the boat, or do anything to make him leave or whatever. Later I learned it was OK to be who I am, snot and all. Now I am able to tell him how I feel or how he made me feel. I am able to cry in front of him easier (not necessarily all the time). I rarely (occasionally) go to the closet to verbally throw up my feelings with no one around. And you know what….we are still together and even engaged to be married!

It was scary to open myself up to critique. It was constantly baby steps and it still is. What I have learned through this journey of authenticity is those who love you will understand and stand by you. There are also those who will be insecure with the changes going on and will buck you at every turn. They will do what they can to make you feel bad about yourself or to make you feel you are doing something wrong. DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. They are the ones with the issue. They are the ones who are not being authentic. They are the ones scared to be vulnerable and will not change. That is ok. That is on them, not you. You are responsible for you.

Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!



If you want more information about how to become authentic and shed the vulnerability blanket, you can look up Brene Brown, her book Daring Greatly or check out her videos on TED talks about vulnerability and shame. So insightful, so helpful!

I would love to see your pictures of you showing you are enough! Post them to my Facebook page.


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