Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Reason for Absence: Short Version

My favorite picture of momma with her
great grand baby Alli.
Let me start off by apologizing for falling off the face of blog world! July has been an emotional roller coaster. The super short version is on July 11 we found out my mother has transitional cell carcinoma of the pelvic region. The plan is to do chemo for bladder cancer, which weirdly started in the kidney and not bladder.

While we were all in Wichita for tests my mom needed to do, she contracted pneumonia and we rushed her to the ER around 1 am on Thursday morning. She spent a week in the hospital for that, but luckily we did get all the tests done, although the outcome is still the same.

While at home dealing with mom and her recovery of pneumonia, cancer, and pain management, we received the call we were waiting on…my Aunt Linda (mom's baby sister) has finally succumbed to her cancer. Our angel on earth was taken home Monday night.

With all of this going on, you can see where I prioritized my life and unfortunately my blog has been put on the bottom of the list. I am still trying to process all of this. The last two weeks have been a fog mostly. I think I may need to use my blog as a release, an outlet, a place of sanctuary for my thoughts and feelings.

To be honest, I am just taking it one day at a time. Even though I can no longer be there physically, my heart is still there.

Before I end this post, I have to say I am blessed with amazing sisters who have taken such good care of momma without any thought to themselves. We have all stepped up and work together as a team, but feel my sisters need the recognition for everything they have done. We all would not do anything different and would continue taking care of momma and poppy as long as we can.

Life is a funny creature and I just can't figure it out. LT reassures me - "we really do got this, babe".  On more than one occasion I have questioned if I really got this and honestly a voice in my head whispers "no". I guess I really did pick an amazing word of the year…brave. Don't feel it but being forced to be it.

Please forgive me if I am sporadic in my presence here. Love to all and prayers always appreciated!

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

I Survived the 4th of July!

Ok, it wasn't really that bad, but it had it's moments and I swear I saw my life pass in front of my eyes at one point. Let me break it down for you.

My sister, D, and I flew to Kansas to spend some time with the folks. We drove my folks 2 1/2 hours to  my momma's 3:00 p.m. doctor appointment on Wednesday and was finally seen at 6:00 p.m. That should have been a heads up. Oh, slight change in my momma's macular degeneration, so just keep on keeping on is the plan.

But let's flashback a little before the appointment. My momma has been having back problems and has always wanted an inversion table. You know one of those tables that tips you upside down. Yep, my 76 year old mother wanted one of these tables for the last 3 years and Wednesday was the day. Daddy broke down and got momma a table. I will say I was glad I was driving because there was not enough room in the Sante Fe for four adults and a huge box. Momma and D had to share one seat for the 2 1/2 hour drive home. Bwahahaha!!

So flash forward to Thursday. We were going to put the inversion bed up but had to do some rearranging to make it fit. Momma's sewing machine desk, sans machine, was to be moved to the basement. I was going to go down first so I could direct the desk down the steps. You see where this is going, right?

You know when they say "That first steps a doozy!" it is not a lie! I stepped down to the first step with my left foot, but my ankle decided to go ahead and move on to the second step without the rest of the foot. You got it…down I went and a "pop" sound was heard round the world. Well, my sister and I heard it. I was blessed I did not fall all the way to the bottom of the steps and the desk did not come down either.

Needless to say I finally got up, after I had to tell everyone to leave me alone (I think I have a control issue) and felt it was either passing out or throwing up. I actually stood their debating couch or bathroom. The couch won (mom brought a trash can just in case). After the removal of my shoe, it was off to the ER. Daddy brought out the crutches I used when I was in high school back in 1988! Thank goodness he keeps things like that!

1988 metal crutches. Still couldn't walk with them then or now!
This is the same nurse that worked on my mom when she cut her finger open.
Small world!
After x-rays, I am the proud owner of a severely sprained ankle that hurts like a mother to walk on. It was interesting to fly home the next day, but I did it without those old metal crutches….and still paying for the pain of walking the mile and a half to the baggage claim area. The little old man that walked up the gang walk took my wheelchair at the top!

I could not keep my foot straight.
We prayed it wasn't broken.
So we are on day four and I'm still swollen and bruising on both sides of my foot. I am walking around when I need to, but staying put with my foot up all the other times. Gets me out of doing a lot of things, but it's not worth it. Plus I am going hiking next month so this foot better heal quickly!!

Can you see the bruising goes up my leg past the ankle?
Can you say "ouchie"?
Moral of the story: Go slow. You know those steps are dangerous and you and steps are not really friends, more like frienemies. Suck it up around your folks and never ever let them know how bad it really is, they don't need anything more to worry about in their lives. Lastly, do what your your fiancé says because he can make that ace bandage tighter than tight!

On the positive side: I did not break my foot/leg and the recovery time for both is the same. It is my left foot so I can still drive and be independent. It happened to me and not my parents, although I hope they see how dangerous the stairs are…and dad, it was not my weight that made me fall!

This accident has helped me focus on the purpose of this blog and that is to look at the positives in life. That is what it is about, look at the good and not the bad. Bringing positive vibes into your life. Think of it, no matter what happens, we got this. Yeah I sprained my ankle, have some pain, and walk funny, but I am walking and it's not broken. Heck, some would think life was over or make a big production about it (trust me I will milk it for about a week), but in the end, I got this and with Lt by my side…we really got this!