Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The Lessons I am Learning about Failing

I have come to terms with this decision (which was totally out of my hands) but I still need to write it out. You see I was hoping to make a lateral move at school. There was a position I heard was going to be open. Actually, doing the same thing I am doing now but with more responsibility and a much wider audience. Then it happened.  Someone from the campus I wanted to move to made a play for the position and scored it.

I had my head wrapped around this position for about two years. I would have been awesome at it and would have moved the program forward. I thought I was a shoo-in. The principal knew me and knew I wanted to move over there. As his last hurrah, he placed someone with no experience into the position. Now I could fall down in a heap of misery or I could just trust God.

See the old me would have wallowed. Oh, how I would have wallowed and rolled around in the misery of it. I would have put so much pressure on myself because I am a perfectionist. By not getting the position it would have been so easy for me to think negatively of myself, to feel like a failure, to beat myself up for not making it happen. But that is the old me. The new me, which is a work in progress, is seeing a new light, a new way of thinking, a positive warmth of this experience.

Positive warmth? What the heck did my fingers just type? Yes, they really did that. Huh. But it is true. I feel that even though I did not get this position, I have done everything in my ability to make it happen. I put myself out there and outside my comfy cozy box to give myself every opportunity. But I am ok with not getting it. I believe there is something better, more fitted for me and my future.

Maybe I need to stay to see (and help) my two "boys" finish their high school this year. Maybe I am to stay to bring the Flipped Classroom I am piloting into a more permanent existence. Maybe I am being groomed to move to a totally different position. Heck, let's really go out there in la-la-land and say Lt finally asks me to marry him and we end up moving to a different city! Ok, you didn't have to laugh so loud at that one! LOL! I thought it was pretty humorous too!

Or maybe this is a way for me to be less critical of myself, to accept the flaws within me, to embrace the vulnerability I encountered (I hate being vulnerable!) and to see that it is ok to not be perfect and fail and still come out ahead. Ah, the many lessons I can learn from this experience.

All I know is I am putting my trust in God. He has a plan for me that will eventually be reveled.

Oh, and I still think I am the best person for the position. Hey, I am still me, just a little softer around the edges, not invaded by a body snatcher!

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